Not Very Final 208 - Brotherly Mischief

May 22, 2013

The Whole Marcos Show presents...

NOT VERY FINAL

Prologue
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Travis, stretching arms upward: Well, the first thing I'm going to do when we get back is cuddle up with Celes, whisper into her ear, and then kiss it non-stop until her lips bee-line into mine. (thin-eyed grin) I have to scratch that itch ~that badly~.

Bradford, ^_^: Whatever greases your axles, for lack of the actual analogy.

Manager: That's right. Both of you mosey on to your precious hotsy-totsies. Seriously, Mahoublanca; Inaba; that Gestahlian "walk-out"; that Nomusir dame; I don't blame either of you one bit for your infatuation towards 'em. In fact, (^_^) both of you are lucky I'm already married.

Bradford: More like lucky our beautiful beings didn't even have a boyfriend. Well, at least, ~mine~, anyway; not so sure about Travis'.

Travis: Oh, they've had a boyfriend, before. They just moved on well before they met ~me~.

Bradford: At any rate, it is indeed time to leave.

Bradford and Travis then leave the cauliflower stand.
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Season 2
Episode 8
Brotherly Mischief

Scene 1
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The Niven residence. Bradford and Travis Niven's father (Mr. Niven) is scolding his sons.

Mr. Niven: Now I want you two to march into your room and think about what you've done to not only that girl, but also the Akabrero kid and his friend.

B. & T. Niven, thin eyes: Yes, father.

The boys then go into their bunk bed-having bedroom as their father instructed. Before long, Tantalina Tier pops up from their window.

T. Niven: Well, ~hello~, gorgeous!

Tantalina: Sorry to burst your proverbial bubble, but I am more interested in Handsome Akabero.

T. Niven: Last time ~I~ checked, Akabrero would rather crap his pants than so much as ~acknowledge your very existence~.

Tantalina: True, but that is merely the fault of that defiant Mahoublanca and her Moon Rabbit grunt, which leads me to tell you - I've heard of your collective expertise in the use of cherry bombs. I theorize that it could come in handy against the aforementioned metaphorical succubi.

T. Niven: Jeezum. Why do ya gotta be so harsh on them?

Tantalina: Because they're no longer at that age.

B. Niven: What's ~that~ supposed to mean?

Tantalina, thin eyes: Surely, it's obvious; (normal) they're both ~grown women~, whereas Handsome Akabrero is, in fact, around ~my~ age.

T. Niven: Big whoop. I, too, would hit on an older woman if ~I~ happened to find her so attractive.

Tantalina: Well, you two are going to help me vanquish ~two~ of them, no matter how attractive you find either of them.
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Scene 2
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The Amano Academy Earth Chamber's closet. Travis proceeds to do precisely what he said he'd do the last time we saw him.

Travis, arms around Celes' waist from her right: (kisses her ear; whispering) did you miss me, celes? (kisses ear twice) admit it; you've been dying to enjoy romance again. (kisses ear repeatedly)

Celes, whispering: you've got that right, lover.

Celes then lip-touches Travis three times - pulling her cape forward during the third one - and covers him within while providing a ~fourth~ lip-touch.

Celes, still whispering: so, how much cauliflower did you two manage to sell out there?

Travis, ditto: quite a good deal before we finally caught the gilmeister. (lip-touch)

Celes: i heard you weren't exactly having fun there; that you even strangled bradford in a fit of insanity. (lip-touch) must have been a cosmos-forsaken bummer for him.

Travis: thankfully, he survived, thank cosmos.

Celes: (quick lip-touch) also thank cosmos that we've gotten to kiss again.

Travis: amen, forevermore. (long lip-touch)
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Scene 3
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Earth Chamber Chamberchief Room. Wendy, in the dress part of her Devout Felix uniform, has a bit of difficulty finding the corresponding cape.

Wendy, tension knots all over: (angry facefault) Holy snap. I could've ~sworn~ I hung my cape next to the dress!

Reisen: Found it. (shows Wendy Devout Felix cape) This is what you wanted, right?

Wendy, grinning: Oh, meow! (taking cape) Thanks. (equips cape)

Reisen: I'll admit. It ~is~ rather unusual for you not to hang your garb and cape side-by-side.

Wendy: That's because I ~did~ hang my garb and cape side-by-side.

Reisen, thin eyes: And yet, no such thing was the case, this time.

Wendy, ^_^: Maybe Bradford wanted to try it on for fun.

Bradford: What are you talking about? Seeing how it's too big for me, I would know better.

Wendy, shut-eye facefault: Ugh. If it wasn't you or Reisen, then who the heck removed the darn thing?

Reisen, rubbing chin: Actually, that's one heck of a question.

Bradford, grinning: Does it even matter, now that we found it?

Reisen, no longer rubbing chin: Well, I suppose not.
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Scene 4
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The NVF Trio are now on yet another date, wondering about in a local park.

Wendy: It's fan-flipping-tastic out. Let's do dinner at one of those joints where you have the option of sitting at an outdoor table.

Bradford, taking Wendy's hand: We haven't tried that before, have we? (kisses hand)

Reisen: There happens to be a Checkmate's* close by.

(*Ever heard of Checker's? This is the NVF version)

Wendy, XD: That's even better; you'd have no choice but to eat outdoors.
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Scene 4a
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The NVF Trio eventually approach the Checkmate's that Reisen pointed out.

Reisen: This is it; a place to get some delicious burgers.

The three then go to the cashier, with Wendy ordering first.

Cashier: Um, your cape's shootin' sparks, ma'am.

Wendy, ^_^: I'll take a--- (eye-bulge) What now?

A small explosion then occurs right on Wendy's back.

Wendy: Ow! (removing cape) What the heck?!

Wendy discovers that her cape has cherry bombs attached to the inside, the bottom ones remaining lighting their fuses on their own.

Wendy, angry eye-bulge: Holy snap! ~Cherry bombs?!~ (turns away face as cherry bombs explode)

Reisen: Cherry bombs stuck to your cape?

Suddenly, sparks begin shooting out of her necktie.

Reisen: Good grief. (removing necktie) My necktie as well?!

Reisen then throws her necktie, making it explode in mid-air.

Reisen, during dramatic pause: That was a close one.

Bradford: Somebody must've snuck into the Chamberchief Room to stick the bombs on there.

Reisen: And the culprit neglected to put the cape back where he/she got it. And then there was my necktie; whoever rigged Wendy's Devout Felix cape to blow put my tie through the exact same thing.

Bradford: Hold on, Reisen. Travis and I were accused of ~using~ cherry bombs last night.

<flashback Season 2, Episode 7>

Manager: They got some nerve cherry-bombing my daughter's birthday cake!

<end flashback>

Bradford: You don't suppose that...

Reisen: Despite the greater likelihood of Tantalina being behind this, it ~would~ be possible that the Niven brothers would want payback for getting them busted.

Wendy: Even though all you and Travis did was pose as cauliflower vendors in search of a counterfeiter.

Reisen: Now that you mention it, there might be a chance that Tantalina sought help from the Niven brothers after finding out what happened with Bradford and Travis.

T. Niven, offscreen: You cracked it, hot stuff.

Bradford, Wendy, and Reisen finally meet Bradford and Travis Niven.

T. Niven: Yeah, nothing personal, babe. (throws cherry bomb @ Reisen)

Reisen, kicking cherry bomb away: The nerve!

The cherry bomb blows up in mid-air.

Wendy: Why are you attacking us?!

B. Niven: Tantalina Tier promised us to have one of her Summons erase any memory of that little girl's birthday fiasco from the brains of everyone involved, including our dad and the Pearhopper's manager. In exchange, we gotta do everything in our power to reduce you and that Moon Rabbit girl to a beaten mess.

T. Niven: That particular proposal's made me glad that both of you rolled out of the "single" bandwagon.

Bradford then slides over a table to give T. Niven a kick attack.

Bradford: I won't let either of you jeopardize the beauty of those two females to ~any~ extent.

B. Niven: Wow. My Akabrero counterpart really ~is~ in love with those two.

T. Niven, getting up from Bradford's slide kick: Man, it's gonna be a ~pain~ to leave him in one piece while sundering the chicky-poos.

B. Niven: Well, that's what Tantalina wants.

Bradford: Get out of our sight, or ~you're~ next.

T. Niven, to B. Niven: (charging @ Bradford w/ a baseball bat) Let ~me~ pound that sucker-punch!

B. Niven, as T. Niven repeatedly swings @ Bradford: Remember, don't pound him ~too~ hard.

Bradford catches T. Niven's bat and kicks his arm to make him let go. He then tosses the bat aside and punches him square in the face, making him fly inches back and fall to the floor.

Bradford: This is your final warning; leave us alone, or you'll see what I'm ~truly~ capable of as the Akabrero Monk trait-bearing Red Mage.

T. Niven, reeling from latest blow: Monk traits, huh? Hence all those fancy moves.

Wendy, equipping hammer: (to B. Niven) So, ~Bradford Niven~, you wanna have a go with the love-cat?

B. Niven: What-now cat?

Wendy: You heard me. (swinging hammer) Meow!

B. Niven, having dodged Wendy's hammer in the nick of time: Gracious! Brutish, much? Seriously, you're liable to smash my skull.

Wendy: Should've thought about that before making our date get it where the sun don't shine. (swings hammer again)

B. Niven dodges numerous hammer swings, and Wendy begins to get annoyed that she isn't hitting him.

Wendy, tension knots all over: (angry facefault) Will you stay the heck still, already?!

Wendy ultimately starts destroying tables and chairs galore during her failed attempts to make her hammer connect with B. Niven.

Reisen: Calm yourself, Wendy; you're breaking all of the facility's property!

Wendy: I'm too steamed to give a squat!

A cherry bomb then gets hurled towards Wendy and Reisen, and literally blows up in their faces.

Wendy+Reisen: AAAH!!!

The two females start writhing in pain from the close-range explosion.

Reisen, having thumb, index, and middle out: This is the last straw, you two! (fires finger-gun)

Both B. and T. Niven collapse to the floor from the resultant rectal pain.

Bradford: How do you like our last resort?

B. Niven: Well played.

T. Niven: What the heck just happened?!  I hear a gun fire and all of a sudden, I feel something sting inside my heinie!

Reisen, visibly recovering from cherry bomb: Mana bullets; they're my specialty.

A salvo of cherry bombs then surround Wendy and Reisen.

Tantalina, offscreen: There's plenty more where ~that~ came from.

Bradford: Beautiful beings!

Judith, offscreen: Wind Scroll!

The resultant wind then undoes the fuses on all the cherry bombs.

Tantalina, on the Checkmate's stand: Little Miss Nomusir, how dare you meddle here.

Judith: Well, Travis and Celes wanted to spend some time together, so I took a walk - only to find ~you~ ruining Checkmate's. And just because you made a cute rhyme there, doesn't mean you're getting away with the former.

Tantalina: Rabbi Cthulu?

Rabbi Cthulu: (poofs out) Begone, k-word spewer!

Rabbi Cthulu then tries to crush Judith with his giant dreidel, but the red-headed kunoichi jumps back to dodge it.

Judith: I'll have you know that I, in fact, perish the thought of using the k-word.

Rabbi Cthulu: I just hope you also perish the thought of ~not processing metaphors as exactly those~.

Judith and Rabbi Cthulu then duke it out for a bit before Reisen shoots the latter.

Rabbi Cthulu: AAAH! (facing Reisen) Interfere, will you?!

Wendy: ~You~ want some love-cat fury, too?

Rabbi Cthulu: I've utterly forgotten about the Moon Rabbit's cheap shots! No pun intended.

Reisen: I hope you haven't forgotten what I told you the last time we met.

<flashback Season 2, Episode 6>

Reisen: Surely, there are ~some~ things Tantalina has done to us which you, deep down, ultimately feel uneasy about.

<end flashback>

Rabbi Cthulu: Of course not; it just strikes me as bunk still.

Reisen: Instead of wasting your energy fighting us, I suggest you take some honest-to-Cosmos time to think about it.

Rabbi Cthulu, whipping out chain: Never shall I succumb to the opposition's propaganda. (swings chain @ Reisen)

Reisen subsequently dodges the blow and fires again.

Rabbi Cthulu, on one knee: Darn it! How are even able to do that?! Every time you tilt your thumb towards your finger-pointing hand...

Reisen: ~I~ consider it a gift. But as long as you take orders from Tantalina, you can feel free to call it a ~scourge~.

Tantalina, leaping towards Reisen with Mjolnir Gauntlets equipped: Scourge ~this~!

Tantalina knocks Reisen out cold.

Bradford, casting Firaga on Tantalina: How dare you!

Tantalina jumps to her left to avoid the resulting flames.

Tantalina, grinning: My, my. Talk about a hot passion.

Wendy: Seriously, you can only get away with this so many times.

Tantalina: The same could be said in regard to your insistence against allowing Handsome Akabrero to date yours truly.

Bradford: I will never date you! You're a Cosmos-forsaken psycho; willing to ~kill~, willing to ~manipulate~.

Judith: I'm just glad ~we~ don't have to worry about someone like you.

Tantalina: You mean you, the ex-Gestahlian, and Mr. Ducard?

Judith: Exactly. (holds left of cape across; swing away; throwing scroll) Boulder Scroll!

A boulder - obviously - protrudes from the scroll and smashes into Tantalina, sending her rolling into the landscape.

Rabbi Cthulu, looking at Judith with contempt: Typical non-kosher fare. (poofs away)

Reisen, offscreen: (regaining consciousness) Oh... I'm surprised my jaw's still in one piece after ~that~ one.

Bradford, happily approaching Reisen: Beautiful being, (clasps her hand in both of his own) I'm glad you're alright.

Wendy: That's fine and dandy, but what about you and Travis' doppelgängers?

B. Niven, sweat drop: (to T. Niven) I suppose we should sneak back home now.

A car then pulls up right in front of the two brothers.

Mr. Niven: There you are. (rolls down window) You'd do we'll to explain yourselves.

T. Niven: Busted.

Reisen, approaching the Nivens: And for being in cahoots with Tantalina Tier, no less.

Mr. Niven: You two snuck out just to flirt with a girl?

Wendy, approaching Mr. Niven herself: Worse than that; to help that same girl make ~our~ heads roll.

B. Niven, shut-eye facefault: She offered to wipe your memory of what happened to the birthday cake we blew up.

Mr. Niven: In exchange for attacking innocent individuals? Could you two stoop any lower? (to Wendy & Reisen) I'm terribly sorry for what my boys have put you through.

Bradford, seizing his own opportunity to see Mr. Niven in person: It's ~Tantalina~ who should apologize for what your boys have done.

Reisen: Bradford's right; if it weren't for Tantalina, your sons would have paid no mind to us whatsoever.

T. Niven: It's true, Dad; that fine-alec Summoner girl came to us personally ~because~ we blew up that cake.

Mr. Niven: Well, next time you decide to hang out with the ladies, save it for when you're no longer grounded. (unlocks back car door) Get your keisters in here.

B. and  T. Niven obediently enter their father's car.

Reisen, to Mr. Niven: If you seek to punish them, don't do it ~too~ much; remember, it's not really their fault.

Mr. Niven: Duly noted. (drives away)

Cashier, offscreen: One heck of a show there, fellas.

Wendy, turning around: (XD) Thanks a buttload. (normal; no longer grinning) How much of that ~were~ you watching, anyway?

Cashier: Enough for your order to be on the house! Humor me.

Wendy, to Bradford: He doesn't even mind that your love-cat demolished most of the tables. (pawing gesture) Meow.

Bradford, hand on Wendy's chin: I, too, would meow if I had my ~own~ Devout Felix uniform to wear. (lip-touches her)

Reisen: Join us, Judith. You deserve it.

Judith: Sure; I'll even bring some home for Travis and Celes.

Reisen: Whatever floats your boat.

Bradford, offscreen: ~That's~ the analogy I was looking for.

Reisen and Judith then catch up to Bradford and Wendy at the Checkmate's booth.
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END

Not Very Final and all original characters copyright 2011, 2013 The Whole Marcos Show. All rights reserved. Final Fantasy I classes copyright 1987, 2013 Square Enix. Reisen Udongein Inaba copyright 2005, 2013 ZUN / Team Shanghai Alice. Celes Chere copyright 1994, 2013 Square Enix. All rights reserved.