Not Very Final 306 - Day of the Cabbit

October 11, 2015

The Whole Marcos Show presents...

NOT VERY FINAL

Prologue
-----
Assorted footage of certain Season 2 excerpts featuring Wendy in her Devout Felix uniform are in depiction.

Wendy, narrating: On the last season of Not Very Final, you might have seen me reunite with Bradford and Reisen clad in a cute hooded outfit. Well, I have the Devout Felix Club to thank for that. Why am I bringing this up, all of a sudden? Because on ~this~ episode, I'm no longer the only one who gets to wear this wonderful feline-themed cape.
-----
Season 3
Episode 6
Day of the Cabbit

Scene 1
-----
A random hallway in Amano Academy. Celes, Judith, and Travis - the formermost back in her caped apparel - do some walking, minding their own business.

Celes: Say, is anybody up for Blue Chowder* tonight?

(*AKA Red Lobster; copyright-friendly brand-renaming is fun! XD)

Travis: Whoa! Cosmos forbid the Horsemen stomp their way over here.

Celes: The [FF1 hit]'s that about? And what do horsemen have to do with anything?

Judith: Usually, you nag us for Zachary's*.

(*As in Zachary's Foo Roo Koo, the local Chinese restaurant Celes frequents)

Celes: Well, I got news for ya - (XD) even the ~tastiest~ lo mein doesn't have jack [FF1 hit] on Colby Jack Harbor biscuits*!

(*Guess what Red Lobster staple ~those~ are supposed to be)

Tewi, offscreen: What a coinky-dink. I, too, considered stuffing my face with those biscuits.

Travis, shut-eyed facefault: On second thought, I ~gladly~ welcome the apocalypse!

Tewi, entering depiction: I've even dressed up for it.

It is then revealed that Tewi is wearing an appropriately-sized Devout Felix uniform with the cape up front. There are even slits behind the cat ears that let Tewi's ~rabbit~ ears protrude through the hood.

Judith: Where have I seen that outfit before?

Celes: Dude, it's that cat-ear [FF1 hit] Wendy tends to throw on!

Travis: Since when were ~you~ in Devout Felix?!

Tewi, holding out both sides of cape: Ever since I asked a classmate where Wendy got these ~adorable~ threads. (releasing cape and approaching Travis) And the fateful event that followed gave birth to (envelops him) the Cabbit!

Travis then tries fruitlessly to squirm out.

Tewi: What's wrong, handsome? I thought you had a thing for capes. ~Meow.~ (rapidly kisses Travis on cheek)

Celes, to Judith: (angry eye-bulge) Yeah. No [FF1 hit x2], she took a few cues from Wendy.

Judith: Down to the occasional "meow".

Tewi, to Travis: I'm gonna bring you to the club this evening, handsome. (to Celes and Judith) And unless a member invited someone, visitors are not allowed, so don't get any bright-aleck ideas.

Travis, as Tewi walks away with him still trapped in her cape: (shut-eye facefault) What a flipping nightmare.

Celes: Well, looks like the only way we can get into that club is to become a member, like Tewi just did.

Judith: Only ~one of us~ should, given our duty here as teachers.

Celes: In that case, ~Sudden-Death Rock-Paper-Scissors~!

Judith: Excuse me?

Celes: We both play a single game of Rock-Paper-Scissors, and the winner goes in to get Travis out of there and away from Tewi.

Judith: All right.

Celes and Judith then - in a comical fashion - each spin their whole arms in a lightning-fast, clockwork manner. This goes on for quite some time, until Celes and Judith finally play Scissors and Paper, respectively.

Celes, her and Judith's capes having shifted forward: Scissors cut paper. (walking past Judith) Wish me luck.

Judith, ^_^: I also have my Nomusir training routine, anyway.
-----
Scene 2
-----
Celes reaches the Devout Felix building. The moment she is but one stride away from the door, an alarm then sounds.

Celes, eyes bulging: What the [FF1 hit]?

A fast moving apparatus - like what you might have seen in the Air Fortress Zone from the Sega Genesis version of "Sonic the Hedgehog 2" - then pushes Celes away from the building, knocking her backward when it stops.

Celes, cape pushed back: (angry facefault) What the [FF1 hit] just happened?!

A sign then pops up from the apparatus saying "Outside cape detected! Please remove prior to approaching."

Celes, standing up: [FF1 hit] me sideways. Was ~Wendy~ aware of this overkill security bull[FF1 hit] when ~she~ moseyed her [FF1 hit] here?
-----
Scene 2a
-----
Celes returns to the Devout Felix Club grounds - this time, in her teacher garb.

Celes, approaching building: Okey dokey. (angry facefault) This time, those [FF1 hit]holes have ~no excuse~!

When Celes gets in front of the entrance, a sign pops up that says, "Come on in, friend."

Celes, opening the door: ~There~ we go.
-----
Scene 3
-----
Inside the Devout Felix building, Celes approaches the receptionist, who - for obvious reasons - is wearing a Devout Felix uniform.

Receptionist: What can I do (pawing gesture) ~nya~ for?

Celes: I want in on whatever the [FF1 hit] you weirdoes do here.

Receptionist, whipping out a Yoda hand-puppet: Suggest you refrain from such language, I do. The purpose of Devout Felix's cuteness, it defeats.

Celes, thin eyes: You watch ~way~ too much Star Wars, dude.

Receptionist, still with Yoda puppet: A difference between a dude and a cutie-pie, there is.

Celes, angry eye-bulge: (pointing straight forward) Just gimme one of those outfits, already!
-----
Scene 3a
-----
A dressing closet. Celes has on her own Devout Felix uniform. Because of how long her hair is, the sides of it end up hanging down the front. Also, she already pushed back the cape.

Celes: All right. Bradford is now no longer the only one with a so-called "love-cat". Now to find Travis so both of us can "meow" our way outta here and outta Tewi's reach.

Receptionist, as Celes comes out: (w/ Yoda puppet) As cute as a button, you look. (normal) Seriously, who's a cute little kitty, huh?

Celes, tension knot: Right now, I've got half a mind to knock you across the whole neighborhood, what with your annoying-as-[FF1 hit] Yoda-tal---.

Receptionist: Uh uh uh. Remember what Yoda said about---?

Celes' fist then glows with the Pearl Fist aura.

Receptionist: Uh~~~~~. (Yoda puppet) Finally leave you be, we shall.

Celes, walking away: Thanks a [FF1 hit]ton, you nerdy [FF1 hit]. (offscreen) Seriously, your Yoda voice is SUCH A GRATER!

In reaction to that last sentence, the receptionist falls shins-out.
-----
Scene 3b
-----
The gathering hall. Tewi and a still-shut-eye-facefaulted Travis approach the other club members.

Tewi: Hiya, fellow kitty-cats. ~This~ is my nosebleed-inducingly handsome boyfriend Travis!

Travis, to members: I'm ~not~ her boyfriend. And I'm not doing some sort of tsundere act; I'm speaking the truth.

Tewi: Oh, Travis. Your ever-increasing handsomeness ~is~ the truth.

Members: Awwww.

Travis, angry facefault: Don't just stand there and go "Awwww!" This girl's a psychopath in plush toys' clothing!

Celes, approaching Travis and Tewi: (thinking) You've got that mother[FF1 hit x2] right.

Celes stops right next to the two, giving Travis enough time to notice.

Travis, thinking: That long, blonde hair; those wristbands. I really hope to almighty Cosmos those are no coincidence.

Tewi, to Celes: Oh, who might ~you~ be?

Celes: Now who the [FF1 hit] do you think?

The split depiction of Tewi and Travis then occurs.

Tewi, angry eye-bulge: (thinking) No~~~~~!

Travis, in unison: (thinking) Yes!

Celes, internal XD: (thinking) I was hoping for that look on her face!

Tewi, aloud: (under breath) you've got ~some~ nerve making me pose the risk of a shoddy impression among my peers.

Celes: A difference between peers and pawns, there is. (internal DX; thinking) [FF1 hit] me sideways! I just HAD to talk like Yoda-Girl!

Travis, to Tewi: Celes has one heck of a point; you're just using this club for some uneventful attempt to woo me. (to members) I mean, Wendy Mahoublanca is one of ~you~, right? Well, she has a boyfriend to happens to be ~my~ age, and what does said boyfriend have to do with any of this? (pointing to Celes) She, too has a boyfriend that age, and you're ~all~ looking at him! (mouth close-up) We've been together ever since my last summer vacation!

Receptionist, with Yoda puppet: Nary a fabrication, is that?

Tewi, ^_^: Of course, it's a fabrication.

Celes: Shut the [FF1 hit] up!

Members: [gasp]!

Celes, to Tewi: Everyone at school already made it clear to you that ~you weren't even there~ when Travis and I first met! Bradford, Wendy, and Reisen and ~all~ attest to that!

Reception, no longer brandishing Yoda puppet: (approaching Celes) I'm afraid you're not fit to be among the other Devouts during gatherings like this. We'll let you stay a member, but we're better off counting you out every time.

Celes: Fine by me, cuz the only [FF1 hit x2] I came here for was to get my lover away from his little [FF1 hit] of a stalker.

Receptionist, pushing Celes out: Just leave. (pushing Travis) Both of you!

Tewi: Wait! I invited him!

Receptionist, Yoda puppet re-equipped: Simply playing it safe, we are.

After giving the receptionist an angry glare, Tewi proceeds to punch her, knocking her through a wall.

One of the members: Oh my god!

Tewi: Playing it SELLOUT is more like it!

Tewi then reaches into a pocket and slams some change onto the gathering table with enough force to split it into two.

Tewi, leaving: You're all lucky you know how to make such a cute outfit!
-----
Scene 3c
-----
A nearby hallway. Celes and Travis are all alone, and the latter intends to make the most of it.

Travis, grinning: I know what you're thinking, Celes - (kisses her cheek) "Mission accomplished."

Celes, ^_^: Yeah. I ~was~ about to say that.

Travis, pushing down Celes' hood and pushing her hair back: (whispering) your rescue effort should be rewarded. (pulling her cape forward) and who better to do so than yours truly? (putting hand on her leg) what say you, dear woman?

Celes, whispering: what say me is, (covering Travis in cape) "i accept your reward."

The two then lip-touch several times as Travis strokes Celes' leg. Suddenly, the receptionist pops up with her Yoda puppet.

Receptionist, thin eyes: Plenty of places to do that in, there are - but one of them, this is not.

Celes and Travis, the latter still front-glomped in the former's cape, stop kissing and look at the receptionist.

Travis, ^_^: (blushing) Heh heh. This one's actually ~my~ fault.

Receptionist: Still inappropriate inside this establishment, such lewdness is.

Celes, uncovering Travis: Dudette's got a point. We ~do~ usually seek privacy beforehand, after all.

Travis: How about you let that outfit seek privacy of its own, if you know what I mean? (taking Celes' hand) In other words, (kisses it) keep it.

Celes: Oh, I will. I'll just treat it more like a collector's item and leave the whole love-cat schtick to Wendy.

Travis: Your loss, though I've ~already~ seen your definitive look.

Celes, pushing back cape: You're talking about what you first saw me wear, aren't ya?

Travis: Couldn't be guiltier. (lip-touches Celes)

Receptionist, corner depiction: (tension knot) I could have sworn Yoda said something about that.

END

Not Very Final and all original characters copyright 2015 The Whole Marcos Show. All rights reserved. Final Fantasy I classes copyright 1987, 2015 Square Enix. The Devout Job from Final Fantasy III copyright 1990, 2015 Square Enix. Celes Chere copyright 1994, 2015 Square Enix. Tewi Inaba copyright 2005, 2015 ZUN / Team Shanghai Alice. All rights reserved.